


That One's Not For Prayer

by AkisMusicBox



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Claude Barges In, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Spoilers: Chapter 9, heart to heart, implied thoughts of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22533448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkisMusicBox/pseuds/AkisMusicBox
Summary: Claude stilled but kept his eyes covered. "I - I saw flickering light behind your door. I was afraid that in your weary state, there was an accident, or worse, a decision was made in grief." He bit his lip.After a particularly hard mission, a grief-stricken Byleth tries to take a peaceful bath in her room. Unaware, Claude barges in.
Relationships: My Unit | Byleth/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 14
Kudos: 196





	That One's Not For Prayer

It was selfish to ask that a tub be brought to her room, but the nuns were more than eager to grant Byleth that simple request. They seemed happier than anything for her to actually ask for something. Or speak. Jeralt's passing had taken away what few words she had. Rhea had expressed her grief to ask Byleth to go on the latest mission, but considering the number of Demonic Beasts present at the village, it would have been negligent to not take up the Sword of the Creator in the village's defense. Byleth lamented to see how many had already lost their lives as they rode out, delayed by the pouring rain. She and her students returned to the monastery muddy and bloody, but otherwise whole. She left it to Claude to debrief and dismiss his classmates so she could retire to her room and indulge in the privacy.

The tub had even been filled, but her slow return to her room meant that the water had cooled. She said a silent "thank you" to Hanneman for a tangent he went on during his last lecture - how to light a fire that kept a consistent temperature. She added an oil to the tub that smelled of roses before she lit it. Anna had been giving her samples of different products, small "tokens of her gratitude for loyal customers" she claimed, but they tended to be less useful than the actual items Byleth sought from her. One of those samples had been of a cream that was supposed to help reduce the appearance of scars. For a time, Byleth had been tempted to try it. Now, it'd feel like betraying the memories she had made with her father.

She stripped and lowered herself into the water. Sothis watched her carefully. _"I know this was a great burden, to fight in this state. But Jeralt would have been proud."_

Byleth merely nodded. She let herself sink into the tub and tried to focus on the scent of rose. She had never been particularly fond of flowers, but somehow, it made her picture her father giving one to her mother. She couldn't picture her mother, only that she likely wore an outfit similar to those who brought her the tub. _Perhaps she had my eyes._ It was a nice thought. She closed her eyes for a time and tried to conjure her face without much luck. _Perhaps... I could ask Ignatz. He knew what Jeralt looked like. If he took my face and subtracted him..._

"Teach!" Her door exploded open with a slam. She stood and grabbed the only thing in reach to defend herself - the empty bottle for the oil.

_"Hide yourself!"_ Sothis scolded. _"It's just the schemer!"_

Claude's face betrayed his panic as he assessed the room and his professor. He slammed the door shut and covered his face. "Teach, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I made a mistake..." He reached to dart out of the door.

Her adrenaline dissipated and she sunk back into the tub. His face and hair might have been scrubbed clean, but his clothes were still covered in grime. "Wait. What's wrong?"

Claude stilled but kept his eyes covered. "I - I saw flickering light behind your door. I was afraid that in your weary state, there was an accident, or worse, a decision was made in grief." He bit his lip.

_"That's the most sincere I think I've ever heard this boy,"_ Sothis said, almost amused.

_"Hush,"_ Byleth scolded. "Wait one more moment."

Claude nodded, his braid bobbing. His typical composure abandoned, he looked as if he were awaiting his sentence, one he had no intention of trying to escape. It tugged at her heart. She left the bath and found her towel and robe. Once sufficiently dried and wrapped up, she said, "Open your eyes."

He did. He studied her carefully. _His refusal to escape wasn't because he thought he deserved punishment. It was because his fears hadn't been sufficiently allayed yet._

"You were going to make sure I made it to my room before retiring yourself. That's very kind," she said.

"It seemed prudent," he explained. "You've been... not yourself."

"I appreciate your concern," Byleth said. She took a seat on her bed. "Will you keep me company for a while?"

"Of course," he said, and pointedly ignored the chair at her desk to make his way to the bed. He stopped by the tub for a moment and dipped his fingers in. "Perfect temperature. And smells lovely."

Byleth smiled softly. "Anna appreciates opportunities to introduce new products."

He gave a small chuckle and flicked the water off of his fingers. He sat next to her on the bed. "First, I didn't mean to imply that your leadership was in question. You were brilliant, as always. It's just... quiet types never show how deeply their grief runs. And this mission would have tried anyone ordinarily."

"I believe I understand," Byleth said, trying to meet his gaze, but it darted ever so slightly. She'd have almost belied he could see Sothis if there had been any bit of wonder in his eyes. Instead, she only found pain. "But that's not the only thing weighing you."

He nodded and slumped forward, folding his hands together. _"Pray? That one's not for prayer,"_ Sothis said.

_"But is for confession,"_ Byleth finished.

"I've not treated you very well, Teach," he said. "You intrigued me, yes, and that intrigue only grew when you got the Sword of the Creator. I... almost instantly included you in my plans for the future because of your strength. I was... seeing you as a tool. A means to an end. And you're always so... stoic that it didn't seem that egregious, but..." He bit his lip. "The more I've gotten to know you, the more that didn't sit well. And then Jeralt..."

He took a deep breath and managed to look up. "Hanneman and Manuela haven't even argued with me when I read his diary during class. Nobody bats an eye. Even Lorenz just hands me his notes without a single comment. Because, it makes sense, right? If any of your fawns can find some piece of information that brings us close to the truth, it's me, right?" His tone was apologetic. "I'm sorry. I've combed it backward and forward and I haven't found it. It was truly... his diary."

His hands clenched tighter together, his knuckles whitening. "It's a testament to how much he loved your mother and you. It's bad poetry and picnics and bouquets of wildflowers he assembled for her on the way back from missions."

Byleth smiled softly at that idea. _Perhaps that's not a bad idea. Taking time on the way back to appreciate some beauty in the world._ Claude's expression softened. "I'm sorry, I know it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, but he wasn't one for constructing verse."

"I don't doubt that. I'd dare say I'm not either," Byleth offered.

"After she passed... it's all you," he explained. "It's his hopes and fears. It's anything you'd do or not do, and it's his mistrust of Rhea's actions. It's his desperate ploy to free you, and let you live a life away from whatever it is that happened." He sat up and gripped his thigh. "Jeralt the Blade Breaker's tale was one of the most sincere expressions of love I've ever read. And I... am sick to my stomach that I thought of his daughter in such a callous way."

"Claude..." she whispered and put a hand on his arm. "It's okay."

He shook his head. "It's not. Teach, it's... there's a lot of things that run through my head." He licked his lips as if taking a moment to reorganize his thoughts. But he didn't move to upset her hand.

"Understatement," she quipped.

He chuckled. "What I mean is, I have a vision of the future and I see paths to achieve that. That's always been clear to me. And I'm sure when Jeralt was leading the Knights of Seiros, he saw his path too. His duty was clear to him. Unlike him, my duty... will eventually require me to take a wife. Likely, someone that several members of the Alliance will bicker back and forth about until an obvious choice arises. Maybe even one of my dear classmates, if I'm so lucky to know her beforehand. I just knew my selection would have to be someone who would help me with my vision. I'd know I'd find some sort of love for her as long as I had that. And because I had that confidence... it never really crossed my mind. What it'd be like."

Byleth withdrew her hand and furrowed her brow. "What is that?"

He stared at the tub. "If I would fall in love with someone instead. If I were to become consumed, inflamed... lightened." He nodded. "It wasn't a burden for Jeralt. Yes, it came with secrets and scandal, but more than anything, your mother made his life more worth living for himself. It made him more capable of _thinking_ for himself, instead of just agreeing with Rhea."

_"What is that boy trying to say?!"_ Sothis cried.

"Are you in love, Claude?" Byleth asked softly.

He grinned at the wall. "Honestly, Teach? I don't know if I'd recognize it if I was. I've spent a lot of time studying so many other things, I don't know what that looks like inside of me. I know that there are people who captivate my attention. I know there are people I would grieve if I lost. But I don't think that's right... to just line up those around me and think 'The one I would cry over losing most is the one I love.' And I don't think there's a course I can take to explain, it either." He sighed.

"I'm sure Manuela would happily craft one for you," Byleth said.

Claude's amused expression turned to her. "You're quick on the jokes tonight. I'm sorry. This... turned into you comforting me, not the other way around." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"That's not true," she said. "I thought I needed quiet tonight, but your company proved me wrong. Thank you."

"I do know how to fill the silence," he said. He stood and returned to the tub. "Roses are nice... but that's not quite for you. More of a Hilda scent. You need something with multiple notes." He ran his fingers through the water again. "I'll tell Anna to get you something blended with pine next time. You need something that smells of the outdoors."

Sothis scowled. _"Schemer. What does he think he's playing at?!"_

"I'd rather you didn't," Byleth warned with only the slightest bite. Nothing his current mood couldn't brush off.

Claude smile widened. "I hear that a lot. But I do love a calculated risk." He withdrew his hand and flicked the water off once again. "Sleep well, Professor. I'm happy to see you in brighter spirits."

"You as well," she replied. "Sleep well."

When Claude left the room, Sothis growled, _"I don't know what he's thinking and I don't like it. Don't let that boy in here again."_

Byleth locked the door behind him. _"I didn't exactly let him in here the first time."_ She returned to the tub and submerged herself.

_"Ugh, just don't let it happen again!"_

Byleth suppressed a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is my very first FE:3H fanfic and I appreciate any and all feedback :) I was really nervous writing this one, as it feels so new and fresh to be trying to write for a new fandom. 
> 
> I've played the Golden Deer route and am starting on Blue Lions, but it's so HARD to not get to have tea time with Claude D: I thought a fic might help me get it out of my system.


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